Post-semester

Pettifores are delicious. With the maxed-out sugar concentration, this may turn out to be a very emotional entry.

Just kidding. Seriously though, how quickly the semester has flown by... And what an AWEsome (in the words of great Rob G) semester it has been. If my sophomore year was a period of intellectual growth and influx of excessive theology -- which can be both good and bad -- , the first half of junior year was a period of God truly breaking my heart and fixing it anew.

In the beginning of the semester, I wallowed in bitterness for a couple of weeks. (Not particularly because of external circumstances, but because of internal struggles and battles.) I resented my own resentment, against myself and other people, but couldn't do anything about it. At one point, I thought I was done for as a Christian.

From the depths of woe I raise to Thee
The voice of lamentation;
Lord, turn a gracious ear to me
And hear my supplication;
If Thou iniquities dost mark,
Our secret sins and misdeeds dark,
O who shall stand before Thee?

It was my desperate plea.

Yet in the midst of my misery, God awoke this strange, strange desire in my heart to genuinely long for His peace, His Word, and His will. I'm not quite sure why I began to have such longings. But longing to long for His will... as I think about it, it is possibly the best thing that happened to me thus far. I thirsted for the Word; joy surprised me and peace charmed me. What a period of living in grace it was! And what wonder it was! Doing less "things" truly lessened my legalistic tendencies. I found so much more time to contemplate on the Word, to converse with God and to think about what He wants for me. The purification came through Christ.

Indeed, I am sad to confess that as the midterm drew near, the period of such great rejoicing came to a halt. (At least momentarily, I hope.) Having a math test virtually weekly was not the best thing in the world; although it's not a legitimate excuse. I pray for renewed longings and a pure heart, as I enter into this "break." (For some reason I find myself being less disciplined when at home... Please pray for me and spur me on.)

On the other hand, I joyously profess that, God's plan is greater than any of us. The Dead Sea Scrolls was an excellent class; the more I study early Christian origins, the more I realize how personal our God is. What history Christianity springs from! Indeed God is transcendental and everlasting, yet He cares to involve Himself in human history, in such intricate and peculiar ways. It astounds me. It astounds me how this infinite God cares for such a wretched and insignificant individual as I; and what uncountable, undeserved blessings I receive daily. He guides me with His counsel and truly holds my right hand.

"And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach.

Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory." - Coloss 1:21-22, 3:1-4

Ah, what great things He has done through Christ. But purer and higher, and great wilt be; our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.

(Sorry for such a long entry. It feels weird to write personal things, but I pray that it brings glory to Him.)