Terrifying indifference

I hate to say this, for myself and everyone else, but I feel as though I've been less spiritually awake this year than I was last year. Yes; we must grow. But the problem is, is the growth proportional? Am I growing spiritually, as much as I am intellectually?

It is no doubt that I've learned a lot intellectually over this past year -- in academics as well as about Christianity, and about my own beliefs. It is indeed important to form my own theology; it is important to not throw out intellect after one's encounter with Jesus Christ. Yet... I feel like the knowledge is hindering me. Despite the fact that I love learning!

For some reason Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 8 seems an integral part in dealing with this struggle:

[10] I give my opinion in this matter, for this is to your advantage, who were the first to begin a year ago not only to do this, but also to desire to do it.
[11] But now finish doing it also, so that just as there was the readiness to desire it, so there may be also the completion of it by your ability.

Though he is speaking in monetary terms, I find this passage highly applicable to my personal situation (lol, the beauty of Sola Scriptura). So where is the desire to do good in my heart? Where is the passion, Dream, I ask? There needs to be a passion which drives this Christian life. Yes, it is important to learn of the correct routes, rest stops, and destination. But learning about these won't get me anywhere. I have to hold the steering wheel, change the gear, press on the accelerator and go, so that I may finish the race. The real kick is, that the ability to drive itself, comes from God.

The prayer is that I would not ever assume that the knowledge about Christendom is Christ Himself -- the heart of Christendom.

"Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." - St. Paul, 1 Cor. 8:1