Reflections on Blogging

I look back on the last 10+ years of online journaling and I think about my own evolution from a passionate adolescent academic, to a confused young wife and mother, to whatever-label-I-am-now.  I have gone through many changes in the last fourteen years and I can hardly call myself the same person who married David in 2009, much less the person who started posting her theological and ecclesial musings in 2006.

It is interesting as initially, I never had an intended purpose for my blog (which was innocent, albeit risky), except to express my thoughts.  My readers have been my few closest friends for the most part, whom I can count on my one hand.  Sometimes I wanted to intentionally edify my readers, sometimes I just wanted to just tell my friends what I thought and what was happening in my life.  During this time of growth there have been some beautiful moments of the grace of God revealed gloriously in my life, which hopefully built up others.  There have been ugly, regretful moments of immaturity of a young Christian, a "know-it-all" attitude which was not seasoned properly with trials and discipleship--which make me cringe now.  There have been moments of rebellion against the online Christian culture--the kind that does not stem from the relational context of a local church.  There have been insights from the Holy Spirit which I excitedly wanted to share with others.  There have been more moments of immaturity, attributing to God what really wasn't His workings, misinterpreting Providence to sound righteous and holy (yes, I really did that and I am sorry).

My posts together show my history.  My blog reveals that I am not perfect.  And I like that.  Not every post is edifying or the best advice you have ever heard about parenting or Christian thought or whatever.  In fact, a number of posts were likely written in my flesh which you probably can tell and certainly should ignore.  But I hope together they show a real person, a broken sinner redeemed by unmerited grace, stumbling but getting up, pooping on some people's carpets like a toddler, having fits like a teenager, learning along the way and becoming stronger.

Which brings me to the present.  Blogging is an interesting enterprise; suffice it to say that I have been going through some excruciatingly difficult seasons in the last several years.  Herein lies my dilemma: God has never been more real to me, but my learnings have been too sensitive and personal, and to write about them here would be unwise.  I am also keenly feeling the limits of blogs and "online churching" in general.  To be at least remotely helpful to someone, I have come to believe that vulnerability is essential.  Without it most counsel I give here will become dry platitudes, or immature "all-knowing" advice, which the weary probably do not need.  At this point in my life, I am not convinced as to whether the blogosphere would be such an avenue for me to build up the invisible body of Christ.

Yet I hope God uses the trials I am going through right now one day to help someone.  May He ever lead me on, until then.

"For the Lord takes pleasure in His people;
He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation." (Ps. 149:4)

Amen.  May He bring His word to pass.

Thank you for reading, all (and none).